Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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