Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do herpes really smell.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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