Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
