My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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