Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
