You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
