I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
