No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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