Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
