Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
