They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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