3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
