have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
