i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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