woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
