Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
