I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
