after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
