I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
