if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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