You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
