WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
