Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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