The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
