omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
