he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
wow bdsm is so cute
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
