so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
