i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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