I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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