So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
