I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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