some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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