my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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