Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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