He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
love makes seman taste better
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize