And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize