I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize