This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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