Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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