I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
