When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she told me i tasted like america
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize