so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
