what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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