this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
whose parrot is this?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
