While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
