i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
