Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
