so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
