2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
