I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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