Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize