I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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