i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
