I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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