You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
