she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
