Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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