I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
