Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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