can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
