Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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