I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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