I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
