I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
