Porn is love you can see.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize