$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
