My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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