She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
