just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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