I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize