Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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