i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
