She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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