I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
