you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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