he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
